Wow. Just fucking wow. I have just spent half an hour bouncing around the room dancing my heart out, I have so much energy balled up inside it is extraordinary.
Right, little background:
I am XX years of age. I have been smoking continuously (except for a few failed attempts every ten years or so) for over ten years, for over twenty years, for over thirty years – for – fucking most of my life. I told someone that I smoked twenty a day. I lied, I knew damn well I smoked well over that. I smoked about thirty, possibly thirty five. It started with the first morning need, wake up, get up, come downstairs, make a cup of tea and go outside with the phone. Read the News and Facebook and Twitter and smoke four in a row. Come indoors half an hour later, shower, get ready for work, on the drive to work smoke another in the car. Get to work, go and have one with the first cuppa of the day and say morning to the other smokers. And the routine pretty much continued the rest of day in a similar vein.
That… has been the routine for the majority of my life, for a good three quarterers of my life, (actually well over three quarters).
My gums have receded (far too early in my opinion – you think that’s for people over 50)! I always feel guilty when I cough, when I wheeze. Sex? well I have no idea whether it’s connected but its crap. No energy, smelly, broke, always thinking about it, always making excuses, and the worst – is the fact that I define myself as a smoker.
What? I define myself as a smoker!
Um… but you are quite intelligent, you are quite aware, you are many things, but you define yourself as a smoker?
Yes that is, sadly, paramount in the list of ‘qualities’ as the way I define myself.
In fact, as I write this, I realise, this is almost a book. This is like the evil twin of my life, who has shadowed me for the last XX years.
So, as addictions go, this needs exploring, because, after one week, I feel reborn, I feel like a good person, not dirty, not deserving of all bad that comes my way, but a clean, nice, good person who deserves good stuff. That is a fucking revelation.
The biggest weirdest thing I have noticed is that – I had some weird little spider veins on my face. Ugly as fuck. I spent quite a bit of money on buying cover up make up, and that became my morning routine (along with the 4 fags and cuppa) of trying to disguise all the crap that ageing and smoking ravages happen to one’s face.
And – they’ve gone. The spider veins on my cheek, the little patch the size of a thumb nail, that every day I attended to for the last year or so, just suddenly buggered off, exactly the same week that I stopped smoking!
So, this is the end of the first week. This is incredible. This is like an amazing experience, and I am going to write a lot more, but I have to go and dance again, because I think I might burst with all this energy.